This poem was written just before the retirement party of my senior colleague, Bill Donn, 
with whom I collaborated on some research in atmospheric gravity waves. Bill was an 
influential member of the faculty and when I read this, some of the other department 
members feared for my professional life. But I liked Bill, who was a real scientist 
and a spirited man to boot. Bill loved the roast, which contained many elements of 
truth. His wife, Renee loved it even more and my wife Bernice wrote it up in 
calligraphy and presented it to them. It hung on their wall as a reminder of the 
virtue of humility. Some inspiration for the poem came from the bragging but self 
mocking introductions of Gilbert and Sullivan characters such as the Monarch of the Seas.

Sir William Donn Esq,
On his projected retirement

I see no good students around to inspire
So I believe it is time to retire
Unless some memo should happen to mention
That staying here longer could beef up my pension
Now since I'm the reason we're here on this date
I'll tell you just how I became Bill the Great.

When I was young I'd watch the sky
An astronomer to be I'd try
But my orbit took a different path
When I found I lacked the brains in math
So I took up a science where no math was needed
And this is precisely just how I succeeded

But before I could see what my fate held in store
The Japs bombed Pearl Harbor and started the War
My spirits are fired but I can't fight abroad
For I have diarrhea I told the draft board
The board members told me I soon would feel keen
When I saw all the other guys at the latrine

My body is weak oh but strong is my knowledge
I then told them what I had studied in college
Its true, said the drafters, he's light as a feather
So maybe he's able to forecast the weather
And thus by the time the War has concluded
The only front I'd ever seen was occluded

Professoring was what I decided to do
Since each week it took just one day or two
In science my name reached a quite lofty perch
By pursuing the most esoteric research
And publishing papers that really took gall
(Here and there helped by my old friend, et al.)

On leaving I see I have just two regrets
I can't use my textbooks to settle my debts
And I'll lose the students I've used as slaves
To do my research on climate and waves
Perhaps I'll have time for my kids and my wife
Which will probably be the worst years of their life

May 1977