The atmospheric optics conferences have been the most fun of all conferences I have 
ever attended. On the second day of the 2004 conference, I joined Dave Lynch and Ken 
Sassen for a separate dinner at a restaurant in town. There we got to know each other 
a bit better and I mentioned that I wrote poems. They asked me to recite one and since 
I couldn't remember one at the time, I told them I would email them one. But that 
night it occurred to me that I could write one about the people there. On the final 
day of the conference I awoke early and began writing. By the time of the conference 
I had only been able to include about 20 of the participants. When the poem was read, 
those left out were insulted more than those included. The people who had been left 
out asked to be included, so I spent the later afternoon and next day completing the 
work. Almost no one was left out 


                      True Summary of the 2004 Conference
                                      on
                               Atmospheric Optics
                       Held at Physikzentrum, Bad Honnef
                 Courtesy of Wilhelm and Else Heraeus-Stiftung
                                  As seen by
                           Stanley David Gedzelman
                 Started 17 June 2004, Revised 18 June 2004

We came to Bad Honnef in West Germany
Because that's the only place we could stay for free.
To view all the beautiful things in the sky
Learn, laugh and wonder - there's no better high.

I think it important to say from the start
That everyone here is remarkably smart
But think what excites us and then you will find
That everyone here is out of his mind.

First thank Mike Vollmer for all the time spent
Getting Heraeus to pay for the rent
But Mike has a secret I simply must tell
He did all that work just to tinkle his bell.

If sunset's delayed please don't make a fuss
"For I'll surely calculate it", said Russ
"Without using a Table of Pulkova
Just open your eyes, I'll pull the wool over."

Consider next poor Siebren van der Werf
Who thought it was easy to learn to surf
But when he used the sun to toboggan
It burned a large hole clear through his noggin.

Some tiny crystals not coated in gold
Are things of strange beauty for us to behold
"But my lab is the one place I'm never in
Cause dogs are my true love", said Ken Severin.

"I'd like to show you my rainbows", said Chuck
"My experiments work by cheating, not luck
And though each real raindrop is shaped like a sphere
I only use cylinders just drained of beer."

How could we leave out a guy named Dave Lynch
Whose proof that the Earth is round is a cinch
"I saw it he said from the bow of the cruise
After I guzzled a gallon of booze."

Sit down and make sure your seat belts to fasten
We all now will hear from sagely Ken Sassen
Who sees right through clouds with nary a lidar
When fallstreaks of cocaine drift through his cider.

And while we speak of things that have fallen.
Look down in your ponds and there you'll find pollen
But Pikii and Schlichting find more in the scum
Bright yellow coronas and more after rum.

We saw many things, but one that was new
Was an arc made of Candy - I swear that it's true
When Marko heard this he was ready to wrangle.
For even Walt Tape could not find Candy's angle.

And now I must tell of Javier and Lee
Who turn all the heavens from clear to cloudy
You know the real reason their skies are opaque
Is to hide the fact that their work is a fake

Click now your focus to a Cowley named Les
Whose rocket to Mars made a terrible mess
When he slipped a small bomb in the second stage
To free extra time to blow up his web page

Now the greatest surprise at the meeting by far
Were the photos presented by Claudia
So many photos we saw here were divine
But not one could match the split bows of Frau-lein

We're glad we got Frank Gallagher to come
To tell us why some thunderstorms are green
"I forgot my real photos, boy am I dumb
So the clouds that I showed were zapped with chlorine"

No meeting's complete without Greenler or Tape
Whose shows are incredibly easy to ape
Fill spheres with skim milk to color each arc
Please add no cream or we're all in the dark.

Riikonen's halo encyclopedia
Has won high praise from the worldwide media
It even includes Whymper's Apparition
We too would see crosses in Hardwick's condition.

I could go on quite long without ever toilin
Mirages from Pekka - halos from Moilinan
But Laven's aerial photos of glories
Are the only ones that tell first class stories.

There were two Mallmanns but all through the week
Both remained quiet and neither did speak.
But John Adam asked to be given the chance
To promote his book to increase his advance.

There's Eva's web page and Suzanne Kiesling's too
Rendtel's cloudbows and Hoeppe's book, "Blue".
But remind me next time first to fill up with liquor
To change the free path of Kurt Pfeilsticker

During Werner's two talks there wasn't a peep
And that is because we all were asleep
But when he gave slides despite all the snoring
The pitch of excitement increased to a roaring

Despite that fact that by now you are groanin(g)
I'll say some kind words about Gunther Konnen
This Titan's a genius and those are no lies
Though perhaps I did a wee bit polarize

Peter Verschure had the last talk to make
On Dutch halos that he found eccentric
He showed how he erred but his greatest mistake
Was to show us how his mind's not concentric

And now I see that my job here is through
I'm glad I've insulted each guest of Heraeus
To delete your name now there's just one thing to do
The conference was free, for that you must pay us.

PS
Ich wolle zu sagen to alles hier
At Die Konferenz an Farben und Light
Even mitaus alles wein und das bier
Die Konferenz war ein wunderbar zeit